The smartest people know when to stop
You don't *need* to keep climbing
When I was 22 years old, I sat down with one of the most respected executives in the company to discuss my career. We sat in a coffee shop, because I had asked for some of her time to help me think about where to go next.
I was very cautious about the ask, but to my surprise, it was a very quick yes.
Going into that conversation, I thought I’d come out of it with a list of things to do and a bucket full of ambition. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
High-flying, high-earning, high-profile also meant big responsibilities, late nights, and family sacrifices. All of this climbing meant giving up a lot of stuff along the way, and it got me thinking, what was it all for?
I came away questioning my whole idea of success because here was someone who, on paper, had it all. And all I could think was, this isn’t my idea of happiness.
Climbing, to climb
I had never thought about not climbing the ladder. My childhood was filled with selling sweets, phone cases, and whatever else I could find to make money. I spent my evenings reading about entrepreneurs, I watched every episode of Dragon’s Den.
I was constantly inspired by people making money, doing well, and becoming the picture of success.
On reflection, I have no idea why. Most people never stop to ask where they are going. What life are they creating by constantly going for promotion after promotion? By measuring success by the number in their bank account, not the connections they have with the people around them.
You climb to get more. You earn more, but have more responsibilities, less time, less freedom, and less autonomy. Your time is the company’s because, well, they pay you enough, right? So you’re on call, you’re dealing with every fire. Your blood pressure is through the roof, you’re exhausted, you’re a shell of your former self.
What happens is you constantly chase the next big swing because you’re convinced that then you will be happy, you’ll have enough, you’ll feel secure, you’ll feel validated. The truth? It’s never enough.
Goals become dust as soon as you hit them. You just create another.
The top of the ladder
I don’t know much about being at the top. The cruel thing about life is that you can’t have it both ways. You can’t climb all the way to the top, see what it’s like, decide if you like it, and then come back down with all the time to live again.
You have to choose. To climb or to stay. Unsure of which will make you happiest.
What I do know, though, are the stories I’ve collected of the people at the top—and that is not my definition of happiness:
The high-flying executive who got rushed to A&E because his blood pressure was too high to leave the GP.
The C-suite exec who misses bedtime most nights because something keeps coming up.
The boss who starts early, stays late, and then, when you talk to him for real, says he can’t wait to retire.
I’m not saying any of these are wrong, of course, who am I to judge the way somebody else chooses to live? What I am saying, though, is they don’t align with my idea of success.
Maybe that’s you
What I’ve found useful is to stop, and ask whether I’m doing the thing because I want to, or I’m simply doing it because I think that’s the thing I should be doing.
Here are some other things I’ve found useful over the years:
What makes a good day for me? To my surprise, the answer was often ‘no commute’, ‘time to walk my dogs’, ‘project that I could own’.
What would *more* give me? So if I got the promotion, what was on offer in terms of enhancing my life?
What would *more* take away? And if it gave with one hand, what would it take away from me?
This rung might be fine
In which case, you might find, like I have in life, that this rung is fine. And what I mean by that is choosing not to actively pursue a promotion, to not want more responsibility, or giving more time to your workplace, doesn’t mean you're broken.
Or unambitious. Or lazy. Or anything else for that matter.
It just means you’re redefining what success means to you. And sure it’s not all plain sailing (would it be any fun if it was?) Sometimes life means you have to take the job or climb the ladder.
What this more is about is just flexing that muscle to think twice. To question. To ask yourself what you really want from this life and what you are giving up as a trade. Because we are all trading, in every decision.
Courage
I think what it comes down to is courage. The courage to say, maybe this rung is absolutely fine. It gives me everything I need right now. And that’s enough.
It’s a powerful idea. One, I have to revisit it often when I’m getting too stuck in the details. I hope that if you’re feeling that, this newsletter gives you some sense of clarity.
That’s all for today.
Exciting news, I’m launching something new tomorrow. The invitation will arrive in your inbox at 2 pm BST.
It’s something that, if you’re passionate about staying at this rung, but want to increase your income on the side (which I do believe is the sweetspot), it’ll help you take steps towards that.
It’s the resource that has taken me years of experience and learning to build, from science and evidence.
I’m excited to share it with you. Look out for an email on Sunday.
Much love,
Eve
Founder - Part-Time Creator Club