Some Days

It's not all productivity hacks

Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

Yesterday I collapsed onto the sofa.

I’ve got 2 weeks off and of course, I sat down Monday night to write all the things I wanted to achieve in these 2 weeks of freedom. The list piled high.

I was ambitious (when am I not?) I was trying to remember not to do what I always do and pile the list so high I get overwhelmed and then do nothing.

The patio is the main event on the list. I’ve recently moved into my 10-year home and spent the best part of last year working every weekend to renovate the thing. It’s been a love-hate relationship but I can’t help but gleam at the result.

The garden has been neglected, the bottom of the list for obvious reasons but now the house is nearly there, I find my attention shifting to all the things that aren’t quite right.

The patio is a mishmash of wonky heavy-duty slabs with weeds poking out the joints. With the summer (hopefully) around the corner, I’ve been thinking about sprucing up the place.

So I made a plan to dig.

The best-laid plans

It’s no surprise to me that I’d over-egged it, again. I planned to dig out the patio, by spade, in a day. Sure, that would work. Lugging 50-pound blocks of concrete from one part of the garden to the other? No problem.

I’d have it all cleared off by lunchtime.

Of course, reality struck on the second wheelbarrow of soil I was carting from the bottom of the garden to the other. I was exhausted. And I was ten minutes in.

I’m always doing this. Rushing through life. As if there’s a ticking time bomb and I’m trying to get everything I want to get done before it blows up and there’s no more me.

It fuels me. In honesty. It’s the thing that gets me out of bed.

Writing down my ambitions for the day and reflecting on how well I’ve done makes me feel like I’m on the right track, like I’m doing life right.

Before the change

A few years ago, I was the polar opposite of this. I couldn’t commit to a single thing. I remember reading more self-help than I knew what to do with, and it all came up with the same answer:

‘Find your why’ ‘Build your habits’ ‘Write who you want to be’

There is no question that to-do lists have improved my life.

Exponentially, in fact. Small productivity hacks throughout the last few years have completely revolutionized my life. I am now more productive than I’ve ever been.

I can drive 80mph through my list of things for the day.

I am now that productive person that I once wanted to be, I once sat in awe, because no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t do it.

Today I’ve arrived, I am.

It’s okay to not be you every day

So why today have I sulked into the sofa? I have seemingly given up.

I managed 30 minutes outside lugging that soil around and then admitted defeat, got on the sofa, and slept. I slept for 4 hours and woke up to the dogs tapping their watches, it was dinner time.

I got in bed at 7 pm. I was asleep by 8 pm.

The output of my day? No writing. No housework. No nothing.

And I half think that’s the destiny for some days. To be. To exist. To listen to your body and fall asleep on the sofa. With nothing productive. No goals met. Not a single ounce of productivity registered for that day.

The washing is still in the machine. Pots are still on the side. The kitchen floor is still full of crumbs.

Some days just end up like this. And that’s okay.

Life isn’t a tickbox

I have a real problem with not being productive.

My measure of a good day is how many things I’ve done it. I will genuinely try and out-productive myself. On the days when I get everything I want to done, I feel genuine pride.

It’s my measuring stick.

The trouble with that though, is on the days I don’t get much done, I feel frustration. I beat myself up. I tell myself I wasted the day.

The one thing I have yet to learn fully is that life is to be lived. To exist. To do. If your day consists of laying on the sofa all day, watching films, and thinking, that’s okay.

Some days just end up like that.

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